At the tender age of 10 I started feeling unloved and rejected. My dad left to work abroad and I struggled to comprehend why. Growing up under my mom’s care did not help ease the feeling. One day, I overheard my mother saying I was not a legitimate child –that I was a son of a Chinese family, thrown in a garbage. I knew it was a joke but I believed what I heard. I grew up with a strong sense of rejection and a deep sense of inferiority.
I had a hard time making firm decisions. I was shy and easily intimidated. I never took risks and was afraid of failure. I became passive — shunning any responsibility. I tried to resolve these inner struggle by projecting the image of a “worldly man”. I got myself into many vices. I showed off how I was really intimate with women or committed fornication.
Then I met the Lord and went into full time Christian ministry. Even so, I was still living a double life — a pious servant on the outside but struggling with many hidden sins on the inside.
I thank God I joined Living Waters. It is so inspiring and transformational. It made me realize my utter dependence on God, my hunger of love that can only be found in Him. I had the opportunity to finally deal with my issues and undergo a deeper process of healing.
In LW God also affirmed my masculinity. He strengthened me to overcome my weaknesses. He assured me of who I am in His eyes —- that I am His beloved. I know God is not yet finished with the work in me. I thank God for granting me a support group, for our church leaders, and for my wife with whom I have become truly accountable by honestly confessing my sins and struggles. With my community always ready listen, I feel more secure in God’s love, able to hold fast to the hope that I have in the Lord.